Missing you

Every now and I then I get in a mood where I go down memory lane, sometimes it's a good thing and I smile as I think back but other times it makes me sad, specially when it come to Mom. Next April it will be 14 years since she passed away and I think that this time might be a little harder because that was how old I was when she left this earth.

It seems through the years that my memories of her have fadded, I don't know if it's my mind not letting me think about it or just the fact that it's been so long. I do still remember certain things that I think will never go away. Simple little things like her smile and laugh.

At the same time though I am angry with her. This is what always hurts the most. I don't want to feel this way but I look back and remember all the wonderful things she did for her friends and family and I think that last year she was gone so much and me being a teen we fought so much and we never got to have that closeness that I fell we should have had.

I miss her like crazy and I say I will never be like that with Nikki, that I will always be there for her like Mom wasn't at times. I know she was doing her best and was working so I could have things hell a lot of the times I was working with her but it hurt that she was not always there for me and most nights I didn't even get to see her at all.

I am glad she touched the lives of those she did. She was an amazing woman and if I become eve half of that it will be a great accomplishment. I hope she is at least a little proud of me as she watches from heaven and I hope that she understands now the secrets I kept from her and when I see her again she will take me into her arms and tell me she missed me too.

Miss you Mom, keep a close eye on Nikki cause she deffinatly has your spirit!