UPDATE!!

This one is for my Aunt Carrie whom I miss like CRAZY!!

Nikki and I got new hair cuts last weekend. Of course she wanted it short 'like a boy' so I let her get it short, I however went even shorter and spent the rest of the day telling Nikki 'I don't look like a boy, girls can have short hair too!'

We both love our new cuts.

Also seems that Nikki's other front bottom tooth is due to fall out any day now! She is excited because she knows the tooth fairy will be leaving her something again!

Nikki's New Look

My new look











Love you bunches Aunt Carrie!!

Now off to work and all the other things my day has in store for me.............

Missing you

Every now and I then I get in a mood where I go down memory lane, sometimes it's a good thing and I smile as I think back but other times it makes me sad, specially when it come to Mom. Next April it will be 14 years since she passed away and I think that this time might be a little harder because that was how old I was when she left this earth.

It seems through the years that my memories of her have fadded, I don't know if it's my mind not letting me think about it or just the fact that it's been so long. I do still remember certain things that I think will never go away. Simple little things like her smile and laugh.

At the same time though I am angry with her. This is what always hurts the most. I don't want to feel this way but I look back and remember all the wonderful things she did for her friends and family and I think that last year she was gone so much and me being a teen we fought so much and we never got to have that closeness that I fell we should have had.

I miss her like crazy and I say I will never be like that with Nikki, that I will always be there for her like Mom wasn't at times. I know she was doing her best and was working so I could have things hell a lot of the times I was working with her but it hurt that she was not always there for me and most nights I didn't even get to see her at all.

I am glad she touched the lives of those she did. She was an amazing woman and if I become eve half of that it will be a great accomplishment. I hope she is at least a little proud of me as she watches from heaven and I hope that she understands now the secrets I kept from her and when I see her again she will take me into her arms and tell me she missed me too.

Miss you Mom, keep a close eye on Nikki cause she deffinatly has your spirit!

Bathroom Etiquette

So this last weekend Rob and I took Nikki to see 'Cloudy with a chance of meatballs' before and after the movie of course Nikki and I stopped to use the rest room. Most of the time there is no issue however there is one huge thing that always pisses me off and that is a woman who takes her son into the bathroom.

Don't get me wrong if he's under like 4 fine okay I can see it but if he's say 8 or 12, come one time to let go. Stand out by the mens room and suffer till you get home. I don't want to see a boy that age in a ladies only rest room and I know I am not the only one.

Think of it this way, if a man took a 8 year old girl into a mens room he would be arrested instantly!

Again I understand parents now a days are so worried with leaving their kids alone but hell there comes a time you gotta let your kid pee on their own!!

What do you think?

Are you for real?

So Nikki's first day of school was today, but it was not a real day. Basically we went to school during the hours she would be there, meet her teacher, filled out some stuff and then went home.

Before I get to into things. We moved twice this summer. Long story short we where lucky enough that the second move put us back in the school district Nikki had been enrolled in back in January. All we had to do was change the elementary school. As far as I knew all of that had taken place.

So we get to her school and find a long line because the parents had to sign in as guests and get a name badge. We get to the window and we are asked 'Do you know what room she is going to?' I said 'No we never got anything from the school.'

No biggie they will just look for her name on the list they have. Well Nikki was not on that list. Panic set in, I told them that she was enrolled at the other school but they told us all the paper work had been transfered here and that I had called her school and was told they had gotten it.

Again no biggie they will look her up in the computer. 'Nikki is in AM kindergarten.' Now I am getting irritated. I had called two weeks ago and asked if she was AM or PM and was told she was PM. So of course I begin to voice my frustration, then she says 'Wait she is still registered at the old school' My jaw just about hit the floor and it took all I had to not use 'fuck' as I was asking what the hell was going on.

Turnes out the same woman who is telling me this now is the person I had been talking to over the summer about Nikki. She told me the paperwork was fine, she told me that Nikki was in PM kindergarten and so on. So instead of saying 'Sorry for the confusion' she says 'Well you never gave us proof of residency so she was sent back.'

THIS WOMAN NEVER TOLD ME THAT I HAD TO GIVE THEM ANYTHING!! Every time I called it was a rush to get me off the phone, like I was being a pain in the ass instead of a parent trying to make sure her child was all set for school.

It was a good thing Rob had gotten his change of address card, so she took a copy and told us she would add Nikki to the PM class list and everything would be okay.

She is so lucky that it turned out this way. I was so upset and ready to speak my mind but I knew better and also that would not have been smart.

So tomorrow is the official first day and I am sad I won't get to see it, but I will be at work by then. Her teacher seems really nice so I hope it all goes well.

I still think it would just be easier if they did all day kindergarten!!

*goes to sit down and drink some calming tea*

Can I really do this?

So I have been ready a lot. I have time to do it at work and some at home. It really started last summer when I was working the night shift at a hotel. I had tons of time. So it started out with whatever books had been left by guests that seemed interesting. Then I bought some books and then I discovered the House of Night series. I was hooked. Yes it's definitely geared towards teens but I loved the story and the characters. I read the first three books in about a week and was sad that I had to wait a few months for the fourth book to come out.

So I went to the book store and checked out the teen section.


That is when I fell in love with Twilight. I am not ashamed to admit it either. Loved all four books, loved the movie and can't wait for the next one! However that series was WAY better then the HoN. Of course after I finished those I started to read others. Vampire Academy, Sweep and then even branched out into ones that where not supernatural and found Crank, Tweak and Rob got me into the Odd Thomas books.

During all this reading (and yes more then what I listed here, lol) I started to get ideas for stories my self. I mean I love to write. I have always done it but just for shits and giggles. This time I really thought that I could write something that could sell (Rob by the way thinks I am crazy with that idea) so I set out to do it.

And so here I am, writing when I have time, poorly at that but loving every second of it. Knowing I just need to get it all out, then I can go back and fine tune everything. Add more here and there and make it something teenyboppers would eat up! When I get on a kick and write it's amazing how it all just comes to me. Like nothing else in the world is going on in that moment but me and my fingers on the keyboard of my lappy.

However I keep second guessing my self and wondering 'why the hell am I doing this'. So I pose a question to all of you out there who love to write whether for fun or to be published or hell even if you have been published, what is your motivation? What keeps you going when you start to think 'fuck this sucks!'?

Maybe at some point I will post part of my story or not, maybe give you summery just to get your opinion.

Until then your thoughts........................

Sweet!

I love all of you who responded! So I guess I should answer my own question. I would go back to before my Mom died in hopes of preventing that from happening. I would also do anything to be with my first love and I would make sure that my fuck up of a step dad would be thrown in JAIL!!

As far as going back, it all depended on how things where in the new life. I am happy now but long for something that I can't seem to find!



Any comments?

Well here goes nothing!

Okay I have been thinking to my self recently 'I need a blog' I place to put into words all the crazy crap that runs through my head for people to read and either go 'OMG she is right' or laugh and call me names!

So here it is, my first blog post!! To make it even better I am asking for participation, LOL

If you could go back in time to one moment in your life and start over. Knowing everything you know now and knowing that when you reach the same date in time that you left behind you could choose to continue the new life or go back to the old would you do it? (go ahead and read that over a few time, lol)

I would because I would want to know how things might have happened differently and knowing that I could change my mind would make it all worth it!